Discussion in 'Pop Culture' started by NotAPumpkin, Nov 7, 2011.
ffffffuuuu I hated that battle and I could not beat those 3 fireflies how did you do it NaP???
The secret to my success lies in savagely beating a fuckton of vegetables to death
...Also using Toughen Up and Strengthen Up.
I didn't do this myself, but I hear a useful tip for multi-enemy battles is to use Strengthen Up and then Swing to hit all your enemies at once (for massive damage )
I headed towards Lighter's house, which was sending up a blaze that was visible from way back in the big clearing. Who knew that wooden houses could be so flammable?
YOU'RE A GODDAMN FROG
WHY ARE YOU EVEN HERE
Take your serious business and shove it straight down your slimy green esophagus, I'm doing this mission EL FALCON STYLE.
Damn it, I better go save the kid. Fuel in a forest fire. I guess it would be funny if it weren't so morbid no wait it's still funny.
Hey, isn't that...?
I knew it.
That dirty little punk. So stealing all my cheese isn't enough anymore?
We used to have a friendly rivalry, but it looks like this freaky rodent has just jumped off the slippery slope.
I didn't want to have to resort to this, but this fine oaken beauty was holding out a little too well against my gentler approaches. I shed a single manly tear for it as I burst into the flaming house.
Inside, the place was filled with smoke and the air was shimmering with heat. The mouse was flying around with an idiotic grin on its ugly mug and whistling to the tune of Steamboat Willie.
After wasting five minutes shouting at the mouse to come down and fight like a man, I threw my hat down in disgust, picked it back up, and headed for the stairs.
The slimy coward dove at me from behind, but nobody catches ElFalcon by surprise.
The battle didn't last that long, probably because I had forgotten that this mouse is stone cold retarded on a good day. It tried to bite me, so I grabbed a piece of nut bread, set it on fire, and beat the mouse to death with it.
Then I ate the bread.
I was really hungry because I had been waiting for Sassycat to get home and make me a sammich.
Anyways, enough of that. I ran upstairs to find Lighter's kid, who had apparently failed his self preservation test by hiding under a collapsed rafter.
I lifted the rafter off the kid and muttered “let's get outta here,” to which he responeded with a cheerful “okay!” with absolutely no appreciation for my badassery.
I sure hope your dad took out house insurance, kid.
“Thank you so much, Mr. Pitch Black ElFalcon!”
No problem, kid. All in a day's work.
“He's probably worried sick about me somewhere!”
Actually, he's dead.
No just kidding he's only horrifically injured.
Dammit kid stop crying.
(Hey guys, if you ever want me to divulge any strategic details of my exploits or whatnot, go ahead and ask! I'll do my best to advise.)
>Go hot tubbin' to wash that soot off.
(Whew, okay. I've been feeling kind of icky the past few days so I'm not sure if this is totally up to snuff, but THE SHOW MUST GO ON.)
We hoofed it out of the forest, which was still on fire like a house getting along.
Then we ran into a couple of these things that had apparently survived the massacre earlier. Pretty sneaky for
things that are rooted to the spot. Luckily they were no match for my Sax jamming skills.
Fuel was one hell of a lot more useful than Thomas ever was, that's for sure. Maybe the kid's got potential after all.
The kid wouldn't stop babbling about how we looked like members of the “Midnight Crew” or some nonsense, so I decided to drop-kick him into the hot spring to shut him up.
We didn't wash our faces though because MEN DON'T HAVE TIME FOR THAT SHIT.
A couple of villagers were hanging around the entrance of the forest, cheerfully oblivious to the hellblaze advancing on the town.
Of course I'm all right, who the hell do you think I am?
“But wow, you're really pitch black...”
I couldn't help staring at her head, which was gushing out blood like some kinda geyser, but she didn't seem to notice.
Eventually the kid blurted out “Hey, what happened to your head, Mrs Abbey?”
She turned to face him with the goddamn creepiest blank expression I've ever seen, including the time when Sheryl got possessed by the ghost of a tax collector.
“Oh, this injury? Actually, about that...”
Luckily Abbot jumped in then.
“It just went, “Chomp!” and bit her on the head! That make sense? If it didn't I can explain it to you again.”
I wish I could say no to that, but it would mean denying my heroic nut bread beatdown from earlier.
Abbey was still in her weird hypnotic trance.
Yeah, I'm getting out of here before she starts shooting eye beams or whatever it is that possessed people do.
Dammit, why does everyone keep saying the exact same....
EVERYBODY'S BEEN HYPNOTIZED
Son of a BITCH.
When I find out who's behind this I'm going to kick their ass so hard they'll crap out tombstones for a week.
Until then I'm gonna play it safe and ignore it.
But if someone says that one more time I am going to PUNCH THEM in the WORDS.
“Hurry up and let him see Fuel.”
Oh yeah, you were saying stuff. I'm gonna go do that now.
“Oh this? This ain't nothin'.All I gotta do is twist it like so, and then do this, and then...Oww oww oww! Consarnit!”
Guess he lost too many manpoints after being mercilessly mauled by a bunch of insects.
Looks like today I'm mourning the loss of my only rival.
It looks like you're BEING A WIMP.
“It's enough to make me jealous.”
Yeah, I'm gonna miss the good 'ol days.
I HAVE LOST ALL RESPECT FOR YOU.
...But you're welcome.
And then it started raining. What the hell is this I don't even
Damn, I was hoping I would get to put it out with my Super-Ultra-Saxaphone-Jive arts.
Oh well, you win some, you lose some.
...Oh yeah, Sassycat and the boys were s'posed to be coming home tonight. They probably ended up camping out on the other side of the forest though. Sassy is a pretty badass little lady, but there's no way in hell anybody would get Sheryl into that forest fire.
That was magnificent, NaP. I hope to see more of ElFalcon's sax jamming skills =P
I keep on getting distracted while trying to write the next part, but it is getting done
Can;t wait ^_^
Me either. You got my hopes up when I noticed a new post.
(I'm sorry, Kami ;_; Anyways I'll try to make up for it by posting the next bit. I hope I can learn how to decently pull off mood whiplash really fast )
Chapter 1, Part 2:
Rain, Rain, What A Pain
Our story resumes at the humble Yado Inn, where our Hero of the day, “Reckless Nice Guy” ElFalcon,
is resting an recovering from the injuries he is too awesome to have sustained after running into a flaming battlefield and heedlessly murdering about 50% of the local wildlife.
Oh yeah, and he gets to be fawned over by a chick named Tessie. Too bad he's already married! The issue of his strangely absent wife and kids is starting to become worrisome though....
I REQUIRE NO BANDAGES
Heh, unlike SOME people, eh Lighter?
Rest is for the weak.
So are NACHOS.
Damn straight you should be nervous, you spineless toad. I oughta punch you so hard your next week explodes.
WHAT DO YOU TAKE ME FOR
I am getting the hell out of here before you force me to defend my honor as a man by killing you all.
Oh hey, Issac. Where the hell were you during this whole mess? You missed a couple of damn good fights.
I DON'T REST
WHAT IS SO HARD TO UNDERSTAND ABOUT THIS
“...Mighty heavy rain, isn't it? Think I'll join you under the awning.”
Dammit, I just want to get home so I can watch Oprah.
WAIT I mean, uh....punch...white.... things.
No, because I was too busy saving Lighter's kid because he was too much of a wimp to DO IT HIMSELF.
I figured they'd stick to that side of the woods instead of, you know, venturing into a blazing inferno.
How many times do I have to tell you, STOP TRYING TO SELL DRUGS TO THE KIDS.
Huh. Sheryl and Tordeck love playing with those things. I always wanted to kill one and hang its head on the wall, but I don't think I'd be able to put up with Sheryl sniveling about it.
You had better not be making this up, or mark my words in red tape, I will throttle you with a rattlesnake.
YOU CAN'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO
ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU'RE RIGHT
Anyways, I headed home after that just in case for some dumb reason Sassy made it home without anyone noticing.
Scooby was looking bored though, so I figured nothing interesting had gone on while I was busy doing battle with killer bees...oh yeah, and saving a kid from a forest fire.
Our lazyass carrier pigeon was sleeping outside the maimed door. It's probably a message complaining about having to stay out in the boonies with that crazy old coot for another night. Either that or another death threat from the wildlife protection society.
Well I guess that mystery's solved.
Just like you said they would, the children have been running around the mountains and fields tirelessly since the moment we arrived.
Tordeck is as daring and full of energy as ever, while Sheryl is still a bit coddled. But neither one seems tired of playing at all.
My father seems sad to say goodbye to his grandchildren after seeing them in the first time in so long,
but we should be home by this evening.
I had forgotten how nice and refreshing the mountain air is. You're always covered in the smell of sheep back in Tazmily Village, so I really wish you could have been here to take in this air.
The next time we visit, let's ask one of our neighbors to take care of the sheep so we can all come up here as a family. Tordeck, Sheryl, and I were always thinking about you. When we get home this evening, I'll start cooking some of your own favorite snacks right away.
With love, your dearest Sassycat.
Hey. I do NOT smell like sheep. And I could have left these damn sheep to Scooby if I wanted to, since they do nothing but stand there like sausages waiting to happen and baa at each other. But your old man is GODDAMN CREEPY and there's no way in hell I'm trekking all the way through the forest just to get sexually harassed by a crazy old guy.
Wait, it said she'd be back by evening.
XD Oh God. NaP, this is hilarious.
But now this is making me want to play the game for real.
I'm gonna follow this first
This game has hella plot moments that you don't want spoiled. Ya'll might want to play it yourself first.
I think I may have spoilered this game for myself.
But this is still funny as shit.
(Thanks, guys! I'm being a little slow, but being reminded that people are actually reading this is a pretty good motivator
On the subject of spoilers, well, this whole project is going to give the big ones obviously, but there are a lot of fun little things I won't be able to cover so it's seriously worth checking out. Also, the music is incredible.)
...So I guess...they might actually be in trouble.
This is gonna be a long night.
I stood there for a while just staring at the letter because tonight was just turning out to be completely full of bullshit and I could feel my destructive urges rising real fast.
Just then, Issac came in completely uninvited because, oh yeah, some idiot with a fire hose BROKE MY DOOR. Thomas is going to pay for this someday.
Issac was looking pretty sketchy as he said this. I would say I don't trust this guy as far as I can throw him, but it turns out that's pretty far. I don't trust him as far as I can throw my house though.
I can't believe this kid is the only person in this village who isn't completely useless.
Hell, the boys need a good lesson in wilderness survival.
...But considering how relentlessly awful today is being we should probably get looking.
“Let's get the other villagers to help too.”
Logically this would result in getting the job done faster. Realistically, it means a bunch of morons getting in my way.
Yeah, yeah. Now all of you get the hell outta my house.
I was starting to get pretty fed up with all of this crap, so I took a nap. Naps are great and everybody should love them.
Welp, it's about time to get this nightmarish freak show on the road. I went outside and jammed a sock in the door so I could actually open it later, and then turned around and somehow entered into a staring contest with my dog.
Oh HELL no. Tonight is weird enough already without having a dog talk to me.
I accept on the condition that I NEVER hear you doing it again.
That's more like it.
Me and Scooby the wonder dog headed up towards the town square, where we bore unfortunate witness to the sight of Thomas doing an incredibly shitty impersonation of a turkey with its tail on fire.
NO SHIT SHERLOCK. WHY DON'T YOU DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT?
Anyways, then we did what cool guys like me always do in times of a crisis.
We went to the beach.
I stared into the ocean and the ocean stared back at me.
Then I roared
“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH” as long and loud as I could.
Our last stop was to rip off one of old man Wess' thunder bombs, which he inexplicably keeps behind his house. Everybody knows they're there and just kind of takes them whenever. Especially Tordeck.
EVERYBODY OUT OF THE GOD DAMN WAY
I'VE GOT A DOG FULL OF BOMBS, A FIST FULL OF AWESOME, AND A HEAD FULL OF UNSTOPPABLE RAGE
On the way out of town, I literally ran into Matt, who was extremely drunk. LIKE FUCKING USUAL. For about the hundredth time today I reflected on how mind-numbingly predictable everybody in this town is.
Just when I thought that this encounter might not prove to be a colossal waste of time, the bastard staggered past me and passed out in the square.
I'm not even going to say anything.
As usual, Leder was spectacularly not helpful at all.
C'mon, Scooby, looks like this is gonna be another do it yourself job.
When we got to the Prayer Sanctuary, Jonel and Wess were standing around doing nothing. Before I could give into my desire to start ripping things from limb to limb, Jonel started talking.
Huh. That was surprisingly...not a completely awful idea. Maybe some of 'em will even get bitten by poisonous snakes.
That's so goddamn hilarious I could just kill you all in your sleep.
...But I guess it's pretty alright, even if most of you are hopelessly incompetent.
I'm not going to stand here and waste even more time pondering the mysterious implications of this statement because THAT'S JUST THE KIND OF GUY I AM.
With no more Tazmilian-shaped obstructions in the way, I proceeded into the forest with Scooby drooling mindlessly on my heels.
Let's get this over with.
on the topic of vaguely positive week: NaPs are great and everybody should love them.
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