The Cardinal discovers a transmutation machine in the plains. On one of the platforms sits 5 oz Sweet Baby Ray's sliced seasoned pork shoulder with sauce, for some unfathomable reason. He pockets it. (two? machine must demand two birds!) The Cardinal tosses some breadcrumbs on the platforms, causing the birds to peck at them for a minute. Nothing happens. (hmm...) The Cardinal inserts two coins into the slot and waits for a bit. Nothing continues to happen. (ah, of course. only a wise man such as myself could reject the lies fed to us by the reptilians and see this simple truism) The Cardinal pushes the birds off and places the joke book on one platform and the pork shoulder on the other.