I could never refuse you, inex Who he is: Spoiler: if you're sure you want to know As a child, Signhere's parents were tragically killed when their illegal moonshine operation exploded during a magical shoot out with local elven law enforcement. Deciding that these forests were no place to raise a child, Signhere's grandmother bought a house in a small, predominantly human village. Worried their names would be ‘too elvish' for their new home, and with a poor grasp of common, his grandmother opted to simply borrow the names of the previous tenants as listed on the deed. Thus Signhere Ironshield and his grandmother, Surname Ironshield, lived quietly amongst the baffled villagers for a number of years without incident. Then puberty struck. Unfortunately, unbeknownst to either of them, their family carried a strong streak of magic in their words and while casually practicing his latest pickup lines at the Happing Pig farm, a previously apathetic sow became enamoured with the careless youth. Unable to shake the beast he was forced to explain what happened to the farmers. This incident caused the pig's previous favourite person and aspiring wizard Clifford Happing to declare Signhere his rival and vow revenge. Determined to humiliate his new enemy, Clifford issued a challenge; a singing competition. When Signhere arrived at the arranged time he found that his competitor was not in fact the Happing youth, but the infatuated swine, who had been enchanted with the voice of an angel. Fearing the enraged young elf would attack him physically, Clifford prepared a spell but in the last moment the pig jumped between them. In a blinding flash Clifford and the pig had become one, and with a mind torn between his absolute love and endless hate for Signhere, he ran away. Things were calm until a few years later news reached the village of a singer filling opera houses around the world named SwineLord Half Pig, who was said to have the voice of an angel. Signhere saw this as a challenge and was determined to put an end to this rivalry, either through song or through bloodshed, but he grandmother demanded he stay. The two fought and the old elf’s heart gave out, her final words unintentionally cursing her grandson: “You do as your Grandmother says!” Now Signhere is free to pursue his music and his rival, although when an old elven woman asks him to do something his finds himself unable to refuse. Why would someone like that go on an adventure? Spoiler: not for any good reason, that's for sure Your private performance for a small group of young, wealthy high elves is suddenly interrupted as an ancient elven matriarch bursts through the doors. “William LocalLeaf! What is going on in here??” The room is silent as the party’s host turns bright red. “Mom, I told you I’m just having a few friends over-” “FOR A GOODBYE PARTY!” She screams, the guests scattering as she pushes into the room. You look around frantically. You might be able to make a run for it, but you won’t get paid. Or laid. Also it looks like all the best hiding places have already been taken. “W-well yes, but-“ “You’re not yet even 50 years old! You’re too young to go adventuring!” “Mom, please, I already accepted the job and they’re expecting me there and it’s just some dumb hermit in some dumb castle and I-“ “And you what? You think you can kill him? You threw up for a week after accidently hitting a squirrel with your carriage. You! With the weird folding piano!” “It’s an accordion.” “They’re expecting an elf and they’ll get one. You’re going in his place. William will write down all the instructions NOW and here’s all his allowance for the next month.” “What?? That’s MY allowance! I’ve done all the dishes ALL WEEK.” You open your mouth to say no, to tell her to stick her instructions, money and loser son all in the same place. You attempt to eke out a single sound of protest but you can’t. You physically cannot stop yourself from accepting the money, some angrily written directions and a very insincere thank you. By the time your voice returns you’re already on the road, your feet forcing you away from all the paying jobs, warm beds and unspeakable adult situations that your trade offers, to fulfill the wishes of an old woman you will no doubt never see again.