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Discussion in 'Textventures' started by ectocal, Jul 16, 2011.

  1. ectocal

    ectocal Hapster

    "Well," you say, "guess I shouldn't have had those beans for lunch!"

    "Eugh, that's you?"

    "What? No! That was a joke! I didn't even eat any beans!"

    "Okay," says Jenni, still suspicious.

    "I didn't even have lunch," you add, trying to convince her. "Actually, I can't remember the last time I ate anything."

    "I think someone's making a pie in here," says Jenni in front of door 105. You are about to open the door when Jenni stops you.

    "What the hell is wrong with you?" she asks as she knocks like a normal human being.

    The door opens slowly to reveal a small, elderly woman with horn-rimmed glasses. "Oh, hello!" she says. "Come on in out of the cold!"

    Although you are currently indoors, you decide not to point this out to the woman as you go through the doorway into her cozy abode.
  2. inexpediency

    inexpediency Ruler of this [CHAT]

    examine surroundings and locate delicious, delicious pies
  3. atomic

    atomic ⓛ̸ⓘ҉̀͝ⓣ̸҉ⓔⓡ͜ⓐ̸ⓛ͞ⓛ͡͏ⓨ ͏͡͠ ̀

    point it out to the woman
  4. atomic

    atomic ⓛ̸ⓘ҉̀͝ⓣ̸҉ⓔⓡ͜ⓐ̸ⓛ͞ⓛ͡͏ⓨ ͏͡͠ ̀

  5. ectocal

    ectocal Hapster

    You step inside the woman's apartment. You are now, like, 95% certain that these rooms are apartments.

    A quick look around the room reveals that this old lady fucking loves pie. Instead of pictures of grandchildren on the walls, she has pictures of pie slices. She has pie wallpaper. She has a poster for the upcoming feature film "Pie 2: Revenge of the Blueberry Filling" displayed proudly on the interior side of the door. Holy shit what have you walked into.

    A wonderland beyond your wildest dreams, that's what.

    "Would you like some pie?" asks the old lady.

    "YES" you say in all caps as you dig hungrily into the proffered apple pie. So delicious. You love cinnamon. Right? You can't remember for sure, but you are pretty sure you do.

    You notice that Jenni is not eating anything.

    "Excuse me, ma'am?"


    "She's not eating anything!" you say, pointing an accusatory finger at Jenni. She stares in disbelief at your incredibly unstable grasp of etiquette. Seriously, are you even a human being or what?

    "What's that, dearie?" asks the old lady, who is apparently fits every stereotype of old ladies that there are.

    "Oh. Uh, nothing," you say. She didn't seem to hear you the first time, and if you don't repeat yourself, there is a slim chance that Jenni will not kill you.

    Now what?

    Okay. You stand there and do nothing for over a month.

    Now what?
  6. Tesseract

    Tesseract Regrets Choices Thus Far

    Die of thirst/starvation
  7. atomic

    atomic ⓛ̸ⓘ҉̀͝ⓣ̸҉ⓔⓡ͜ⓐ̸ⓛ͞ⓛ͡͏ⓨ ͏͡͠ ̀

    try and find out more about what's going on? somehow?
  8. inexpediency

    inexpediency Ruler of this [CHAT]

    actually only have been standing there for ten minutes

    realize that your perception of time is wildly inaccurate
  9. ectocal

    ectocal Hapster


    "This may seem like a weird question," you say, "but have you seen a GRAPHICS CARD anywhere?"

    "Or an ELEVATOR PASSCARD?" asks Jenni.

    "Oh my, no, not at all," says the old woman, far too quickly to indicate that she was actually listening. "Please, have some pie!"

    "Um, no thank you," says Jenni.

    "Ohwellinthatcasethankyouverymuchforstoppingbyitwaswonderfultoseeyoutakecarenow!" The old woman hurriedly rushes you out of the door and closes it behind you.

    "Well that was weird," says Jenni.

    You glare at her. You wanted more pie.

    "What?" she asks. But she will never understand.

    And in that ten minutes, you took the time to decide where to go next.

    Where is that, exactly? (Remember, there are still the unexplained smells of filth and something you've never smelled before on this floor.)
  10. kaos

    kaos Currently doing Nanowrimo (<-Shame badge)

    use eeny meeny minie moe to decide where to go.
  11. ectocal

    ectocal Hapster

    You start to do this but Jenni grabs you by the arm and says "Let's go that way."

    "Oh, no, this way smells awful!"

    "It couldn't be worse than that last room."

    "What? You mean the one with the nice old lady and copious amounts of pie?"

    "I can't eat pie."

    "Why not?"

    "Traumatic experience. Long story."

    She knocks on the door of room 119. The door opens with the force of her knock; apparently it hadn't been shut properly.

    Oh god this is the worst thing you have ever smelled

    It looks like the wallpaper inside the room is peeling off the walls. Or at least it would if the room had any wallpaper. The only thing in this room is an old person--you think it's a woman but you can't be sure--dressed in raggedy clothes sitting on a rocking chair in the center of the room. You are pretty sure she has never bathed in her entire life. She seems to be mumbling to herself.

    Maybe you shouldn't let Jenni navigate anymore.
  12. inexpediency

    inexpediency Ruler of this [CHAT]

    search the perimeter for cats

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